Deadman's Touch

2009-05-06T08:42:00.000-07:00

This morning when i read the newspaper, the first thing i saw was that this lady in her early 30's died with her unborn child. Yes, her unborn child. I can't remember how many months she was pregnant. But yeah, she was pull off her bike by snatch thieves. I seriously cannot imagine what it is like for her husband. It is said that his previous wife died which was 5 years ago and now when he found happiness. He lost it. You fucking idiots are fucking heartless and fucking mindless. I don't get it. You are willing to take a life of another for a couple of bucks? I'm not saying this is better but even if they were to threaten with a weapon or what so ever to get that few bucks then it's better than killing.

It actually made me think back about half a year ago when I was waiting for the people to finish washing my car just outside my place. This motorcycle came in a quickly did a u-turn and tried to grab my stuff. They grabbed my shirt guessing they missed my stuff cause i was carrying it in hand. I eventually realized and tried to pull one of them of the bike. I swear if I did manage to I would beat living hell of of him till I'm forced to stop. This has also happen to people i care about. Really, I pity you people who would do this kind of things.

Anyways, i got a 3 hour talk tomorrow. Joy. Night people.

RETURN OF THE JEDI!! HAHAHA

2009-03-14T10:23:00.000-07:00

It's 1.38 in the morning and i can't sleep. Well, at least i tried to. I'm just gonna try and revive this blog since i promised my girlfriend that i would start again. I actually have a lot to say. So where should i start? Whatever. I'll start here. And yes, I'm alive. Not dead. Not yet.

First of all, I'm really happy right now. Excluding the amount of pressure and stress i get from work plus the fact that my darling Sarah is in Melbourne now. Yeah. I'm really happy. So whoever you are "anonymoud", Don't interfere with my life. If you have something so say, kindly just put your name in. Don't be such a coward. It really disgusts me. If you are afraid of putting your name in public in case it ruins your social life or whatever, Call me. I'm sure you have my number and I won't mind giving you a mouth full. Oh, and never get my girlfriend or my job involved. You don't want to tick me off. Btw, I think you should use your quality time studying or doing something useful. Instead of wasting your time blabbing anonymously. I'm sure your parents pay for your college fees. So make use of it. Times are bad. Economic crisis. They might get retrenched. So yeah. Don't disappoint them.

Now that that's done. Yeap. Just came back from Melbourne almost 2 weeks ago. It was really great. I definitely did not want to come home. Mostly because she is there. We explored Melbourne city and stuff. No pictures though. 10 days was definitely not enough. Going for 3 weeks next year. Lol. We celebrated my 19th birthday there and our 1 year anniversary. It was really the best time of my life. Darling, if you are reading this. Thank you so much for such a wonderful and memorable holiday. Come home soon yeah. Hope everything is good there. I miss you. I love you.

Ok. That's enough for now. I'm gonna try to sleep now. I have to get my car washed; cause some bloody birds shat on her when i was out, and to the doctors tmr. Joy. I might get my car changed. Blame the idiots that fixed my car after the crash. Con job!! I paid bloody 12k!! Sooooooooo.....

I'M GETTING THIS NISSAN SKYLINE GT-R!!
Haha. Just kidding. I wish i wasn't. But I am.

That is what I'll be getting. Same but different.

And lastly,

I miss you so much. Wish you were here. Love you.

Because John is Missing

2008-11-23T08:26:00.000-08:00

since the boyfriend is tooo busy to blog, here i am, the wifey reviving his blog with a picture!

Moi: darling! when are you gonna blog??

John: soon!!

suuureee babe. that soon was months ago :P

<3

just a little bit about my boy.

...

oh. had to cancel that. due to "so meannn" from John John. hehehe.

okay babe. your blog is a liiittle bit more alive now.

chit pa de ;)

The Crash, The Rave, Bla Bla Bla

2008-05-19T05:39:00.000-07:00

I got into an accident last week. A bus hit Naomi from behind and sent her crashing to a pole. The bumper is a goner, the radiator as well, the tail lights and god knows what other damage there is. These are the visible ones so far. The best part of the whole story is when the police report came out, it was my fault. Honestly, I do not understand a single fucking thing that how was it my fault. But whatever it is, I couldn't give 2 flying fucks right now. I just want my car back and I'm glad everything is fine and it did'nt get any worse. I don't have any pictures of my car from the accident, but trust me Naomi looks really bad.

Anyways, I really had enough about thinking about it and stressing over it. I have better things to deal with but I just want my car back asap. Ohh. Tiesto was really great btw, I had alot of fun except for the going home part. But i think it was really worth it. =) Moving on. I'm finally graduating from that L'oreal course which i attended last year. That will be adding a few more certs for my career. Other than that work is fine, we are going to be busy till the end of the month cause of the up coming events, then it'll be summer so most of our clients will be away. Whicchhh meeeaaannss.. A HOLIDAY FOR ME!! I so need a break from work. I think the last break i had was chinese new year. I don't plan to go anywhere though. Well, all i feel like doing is just spending time with her. She is fine btw, just caught up with mid term exams and studying really hard. Can't wait to see her, me misses her so much. She will be off to Vegas next week. Snifffff. But when she comes back I will be having my holidays. So yeahh. Really can't wait.

So i guess that is about it for now. I will update soon. Oh and darling good luck for your exams tmr. I know you will do well yea.. =)

The greatest person to be with.

Owed Update.

2008-05-03T22:16:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the lack of updates. As you do know i was really busy with work, the wife, friends and gym. Haha. Nothing has happend much later lately. Just the same old thing everyday. Ohh.. I might be going Tiesto. We caught the premier for Iron Man. SOOOO FREEAAAGGIN COOL!! Haha. It's a very nice movie although i didn't read the comic. but she did and Matt did as well.. Still kinda looking for a place. I just got Naomi washed. She hasn't had a wash in almost a month due to the idiotic owner. Haha. but she is so clean not that you can see that sparkle. =)

There she is. I was hoping to change that exhaust soon.. But the i don't know where Alex is.. Lol.

Thats the fun-loving, sweet and caring wifey. =)

Yeahh.. That is pretty much what has been happening lately.. I'm still looking for a new pair of scissors cause mine are all rosak already.. I'm off from work tmr. YAY!! Haha.. I'll be at Ac though.. Teman her and probably catch up with me freinds. Got to go now. Meeting up with the wife.

Update.

2008-03-08T08:00:00.000-08:00

I know i haven't been updating recently cause i was caught up with alot of things, or maybe because i didn't really have anything to write, or maybe i was lazy. Whichever. Anyways alot has happend lately.

We will start of with my 18th birthday, and matt's 18th birthday as well.. We had dinner at the sosial bangsar and then headed to d'heaven for some drinks and catch up a lil. I don't really see my friends often so yea. I would also like to thank for all of you that were there. I haven't celebrate my birthday since i was 12. I had a blast. Seriously. Thank you all again.

I already started cutting childrens hair in the salon. I'm quite happy actually but scared and nervous at the same time. To be honest, i'm not good at cutting but i am learning. We have trainings every tuesdays in the salon. So if any of you are intrested, you can contact me and stuff. I won't screw up your hair. Lol. My boss will be there to guide me. So yea. I would really appreaciate the support.

Ohhhh.. I love this part. I met someone. Maybe some of you know. For those who doesn't, you can go figure. Neways, She is pretty, cute and very attractive. She is a great person, smart, silly, funny, caring, NICE and very SWEET. Haha. Oh. And a really nice smile. Lol. I really do like spending my time with her and it's really nice being around her. Yeap. She is away for a week. I miss her and i can't wait for her to come back.

So that is more or less what has been happening around. I'll update soon. I really gotta crash. It really was a hectic day in work today.

Lady In Black.

2008-02-06T21:36:00.000-08:00

Guess what?
She has finally arrived.
My darling who planted a gigantic hole in my wallet.
But it was worth it.
And there she is.
B-e-a-u-tiful ain't she?

Believe it or not. I stopped smoking for this car.
I tried to last. But it didn't really work.
I'm still trying though. It's not easy at all ok.

Update.

2008-01-27T01:39:00.000-08:00

yeah. so recently work has been picking up till i don't really have time to go online. the salon is getting busy and busy. the loreal colour trophy is coming up soon as im still stressing out on the models, colour and haircut. we also might be photo shooting for harper's bazaar malaysia.

another 3 more days till my new sayang comes. cant wait. oh. and just so everybody know. i need to find a few models for the competition. if you are intrested then let me know. trusting me with your hair is up to you.

lastly. mr. john five is finally quitting smoking. we'll see how long i last.

Survey.

2008-01-10T08:18:00.000-08:00

1. What is your dream when during your childhood?
To be a jedi. x)

2. You like rainy day or sunny day?
Don't care.

3. Which colour you like most? Black or White?
Black dammit!! Black!!

4. Who would I marry to?
Not the time to talk about that.

5. Where is the place you wanted to go most?
Europe.

6. Which part of you that you love the most?
From head to toe.

7. When you encounter a sad moment, what would you do?
Emo la. What would you do?

8. What do you scare to loss most?
The people i love.

9. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
Duh. After the hard work of course.

10. List out 3 good points of the one who tag you.
I wasn't tagged. I stole it from gay boy's blog cause i was bored.

11. What are the requirements that you wish for your another half?
I don't have another half.

12. Till now, what is the moment that you regret most?
Haha. Who the fuck does not know.

13. Which type of person you hate most?
Fucking suck ups.

14. What is your ambition?
I wanted to be an artist, but ended up as a hairdresser.

15. What is the thing that will make you think he/she is bad.
The way they treat you.

16. If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
To have another chance.

17. What do you think that is most important in your life?
My family, friends and career.

18. Who's your favourite cartoon character?
Spider-man!!

19. What will you do if the world ends tomorrow?
I would rob Prime Minister Badawi.

Happy new year.

2008-01-01T00:21:00.000-08:00

First of all, happy new year to all. I hope you all enjoyed your new year's.

My new year's resolution:
1. To completely, permanently and gracefully stop smoking. =)
2. To be a stylist by end of the year.
3. Cut down on alcohol.
4. Start going back to gym.
5. Leave long hair again.

And this is my 2008 hair cut.

...Ish salon's annual dinner @ twenty-one

2007-12-19T07:45:00.000-08:00

New life by the quarter mile.

2007-12-17T06:27:00.000-08:00

alrite. so the satria gti didn't work out. there was the loan problem. and the car is more than 6 years old. risk of getting a blown engine and bla bla bla bla. not recomended for a first car.

so this is what i plan to get. hopefully by january next year. kinda similar from what i wanted. still a satria. this is probably like the safest way to not slaugther my wallet/bank but can take me from A to B.

Death awaits. NOT.

2007-12-09T04:38:00.000-08:00

Me and matt was 3 seconds away from death yesterday.
I can't believe i'm still standing.

Gentings

2007-12-03T05:08:00.000-08:00

me, matt, weng, lex and kiki went up to gentings just for the fun of it. and it was my first time driving up there. we nearly crashed during the first corner. hehe.

this is the car that i choked to get us up there.

ohhh.. the cannons.

i don't know if it was me. but it was freezing.

kiki. being all fa hao.

alex and matt. and matt being matt.

the mean lil girl that backstabbed celcom.

lex. with cars as usual.

matt and weng.

matt, weng and me.

Back To Basics.

2007-11-19T07:05:00.000-08:00

It was one of the worst days of work today. THE SALON WAS FLOODED WITH WATER!! How? Well, one of our sink pipes that we have been using for about 6 years now, got a hole punch into it. And so we couldn't turn the water off till the plumbers come but just to watch the basin area and the staff room flood.

So at the mean time while waiting for the plumbers to arive, me and my collegues we're not junior stylist/assistants no more. More like kampung people or what my collegue said, semi plumbers. I just got my jeans and shoes washed and it got wet and dirty again. pffft. At least we got to go back early after cleaning up the mess.

Other than that i have been bored of being blonde. So i decided to go red again. It was actually the first color i did when i started hairdressing.

Good Luck

2007-11-11T23:15:00.000-08:00

good luck to all those who are sitting for their spm this month.
you guys do well and take care.

Live free.

2007-11-09T07:37:00.000-08:00

my career is not a joke.
my life is not a joke.
maybe my lungs are.

watch me climb up this ladder.
it'll be tough yet suffering,
living this life everyday.

i'm the youngest there is.
the one that people have faith in.
the one that i myself have faith in.

kid you not, that i'll be one of the best.
i'm a fucking future investment.
to any hairdresser that hires me.

i love them, all of them.
that has been there.
you are all god given gifts.

my friends.
my brothers.
my family.

freedom has been granted.
a long long time ago.
i do whatever the fuck i want.

what more could you ask of?
there is nothing more to ask of.
only cigarettes and beer.

Light me up.

2007-11-05T06:42:00.000-08:00

Me, Matt, Kiki and Lex headed to section 14 for a drink at my uncle's place. Yeap..

Me and kiki with my specs. It's very rare you see me smile in pictures.

Gay boy Matthew.

Errrr...

Gay boy with my specs on.

Kiki and Matt.

Je M'ennuie De Vous

2007-11-04T04:45:00.000-08:00

Time, passed me by.
So fast, that i didnt realise.
It's been almost a year.
Since I lost you.

Until today, like every other day.
There is never once.
You don't cross my mind.
Even now, as i am writing this.

I ruined it. I've killed it.
I carry this burden with me.
Still telling myself.
What have you done.

I've tried. Tried enough.
I blame myself.
That we are torn apart.
That I feel so empty.

I miss your comfort,
I miss your hugs and kisses,
and most of all.
I miss you. More than anything.

Now I'm just left here.
Writing this, with my cigarette.
All i have is memories.
Memories of you.

Rest in peace.

2007-10-24T06:45:00.000-07:00

my uncle i have known all my life passed away this morning during surgery. its was quite a shock. and it hit me as if i got knocked down. i'm left speechless and i don't know what to say. i realise then how short life is. anything can happend. one minute youre alrite and next youre not. now youre ok and then youre dead. im just thankfull that he appeared in my life. and everybody that has been there for me. because of people like you. people like me exist. rest in peace uncle patrick.

Posh?

2007-10-12T09:27:00.000-07:00

i have been having a crazy busy month.. yeap.. and so finally with all that hard work comes 3 days off.. and yes.. i did get my hair chopped of.. and people say it does look like victoria beckham's hair style.. well.. these are the pics and you be the judge..

tagged by kiki

2007-09-16T07:39:00.000-07:00

the changes of hairstyles i had since god knows when...

first there was the red mohawk..

then still the spiky head with dark blonde highlights..

and again.. still the spiky head but with blue black highlights.

Longer hair with purple and blonde highlights..

and now.. finally have much longer hair with blonde highlight

Happy Birthday James

2007-09-12T07:12:00.000-07:00

These are the pics @ Ruums..

Another Survey..

2007-09-05T09:09:00.000-07:00

My 99 Truths..
1. Real name - John Ng Lloyd
2. Like it- Love it
3. Single or taken - Single but not available
4. Zodiac sign - Pisces
5. Male or female - Male
6. Elementary - Villa Maria
7. Middle - Kuen Cheng (1)
8. High - Catholic High
9. College - A Cut Above Academy
10. Hair color - Dark Brown
11. Eye color - Brown
12. Hair length - Almost shoulder length
13. Current problem - Money
14. Race - Chinese, Welsh, Burmist, Indian
15. Are you a health freak - Not really
16. Height - 5'11
17. Do you have a crush on someone - Yeah. I do
18. Do you like yourself - I guess so
19. Piercings - 4
20. Tattoos - On both arms
21. Righty or lefty - Lefty

FIRSTS-
22. First surgery - Soon
23. First piercings - Ear
24. first best friend - Can't remember
25. First award - When i was a lil toddler
26. First sport- Sprinting
27. First pet - Doggy
28. First vacation - I can't remember this one.
29. First teacher - I don't rememeber this too.
30. First crush - Bad memory.

THIS OR THAT-
31. Orange or apple juice - Orange
32. Rock or rap - Rock
33. Country or screamo - Sceamo
34. Nsync or Backsteet Boys - I used to listen to them once upon a time ago
35. Britney spears or Christina Aguliera - Neither.
36. Night or day - Both
37. Sun or moon - Both
38. Tv or internet - Both
39. playstation or xbox - Playstation
40. Kiss or hug - Both
41. Iguana or turtle - Neither
42. Spider or bee - Spider
43. Fall or spring - Both
44. Limewire or itunes - Ares x)
46. Soccer or baseball - Soccer
48. Laugh or cry - Both
49. Sane or Crazy - Insane. Completely insane.

CURRENTLY-
50. Eating - Nothing
51. Im about to - Smoke.
52. Listening to - Before It's Too Late By The Goo Goo Dolls
53. Singing - Nope
54. Typing - Yeah.

FUTURE-
55. Want kids - Of Course
56. When - When I have enough money to support them
57. Want to get married - Definately
58. When - When the time is right
59. Where do you want to live - I haven't made up my mind
60. How many kids - Not sure
61. Any name on the mind - Not really
62. What did you want to be when you were little - A stripper
63. What do you think you'll really be doing - What I'm doing now. Hair dressing
64. Mellow future or wild - Fucking wild
66. Something you would never try - Runing around naked
67. When do you wanna die - This is a stupid question.

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX-
68. Lips or eyes - Eyes
69. Hugging or kissing - Both
70. Shorter or taller - Abit of both
71. Tan skinned or light - Both
72. Romantic or spontaneous - Both
73. Dark or light hair - Both
74. Muscular or normal - Abit of both
75. Hook-up or relationship - Relationship
76. Similar to you or different - Abit of both

HAVE YOU EVER-
78. Kissed a stranger - Nope
79. Drank bubbles - Nope
80. Broken a bone - Almost
81. Climbed up a tree - Yea
82. Broken someones heart - Yea
83. Turned someone down - Yea
84. Had your heart broken - Yes.
85. Liked a friend as more than a friend - I don't know

DO YOU BELIEVE IN-
86. Yourself - Yes
87. Miracles - I need a miracle
88. Love at first sight - Nope
89. Santa claus - I'll shoot him if i see him
90. Kissing on the first date - Nope
91. Angels - Yes

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY-
92. Is there one or more people you want - No
93. Who is it - Not telling
94. Like someone - Not telling

LASTS-
95. Text message recieved - Someone
96. Received call - Alex
97. Call made - Someone
98. Message on myspace/friendster - Nope
99. Missed call - Alex

Survey.

2007-09-02T05:57:00.000-07:00

Name : John Ng Lloyd
Sisters : None
Brothers : 2
Shoe size: 8
Height : 5'11
My mom : Oh. I love my mum. She spoils me.

What are u wearing : Shirt and shorts.
Favorite Number : Don't really have a favorite number.
Favorite Drink: Beer.
Favorite Month : In every month, you face good times and bad times. So yea.
Favorite Breakfast : I hardly eat breakfast.
Have You Ever Broken a bone : Not yet.
Been on a boat : Yeah.
Fallen asleep in school : Why do you think I'm not in school?
Broken someone's heart : Yeah. I did.
Cried when someone died : I'll cry buckets of tears.
Fell off your chair : A long time ago.
Sat by the phone : Not in awhile.
Saved emails : Nope.
Been cheated on : No. I don't think so.
Cheated on the test : Nope.
What color is your room : It's Maroon but my friends say it's pink.
Whats right beside you : My phone and ciggarettes.
What is the last thing you ate : Bread.

---Ever Had---
Chicken pox : Yeah. When i was 12.
Sore throat : Just cured from it.
Stitches : Yeah. On my lips.
Broken nose : Nearly did.

---Do You---
Like picnics : Depends.
Like School : And again. Why do you think I'm not in school?

---Questions---
Who was the last person you danced with : My ex.
Who makes you smile? : Leanne

---Who---
Did you last yell at : A lil boy who i taught it was my youngest brother.
Do you like yourself : Yeah.

---Final Questions---
What are you listening to right now : Blue Eyes Blue by Eric Clapton.
Hated someone in your family : I don't hate. I dislike.
What car do you wish to have : 1967 Ford Mustang Fastback.
Good singer : Nah. I don't think so.
Diamond or pearl : Diamonds.
Indoors or outdoors : Whichever.

---Today did you---
1.Talk to someone you like : Yeah. I did.
2.Who : For me to know and for you to never find out.
3.Get sick : Nope.
4.Sing : Yeap.
5.Talked to an ex : Nope.
6.Miss someone : Yes.

---Last person who---
7.Talked to on the phone? : Leanne
8.Made you cry? : My manager.
9.Went to the movies with : James, Joe, Che, William.
11.You went to the mall with : Mummy and brother.
12.Been to Europe : Nope.
13.Been to Asia : I live in asian you cunt.
14.been to Russia : Nope.
15.Been to the Bahamas : I want to.
16. Been to Mexico : Nope.
17. Been to Canada : Nope.
18. Been to U.S. : Suppose to.
19. Been to Paris : Nope.

---Random---
1. Do you like someone at the moment : Yes. I do.
2. What books are you reading right now : I don't read.
3. Best feeling in the world : When you are with someone you love.
4. Future kids names : It's abit early ro decide.
5. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal : Nope.

vrrroooom..

2007-08-18T05:38:00.000-07:00

and so i did not get selected for national service. which is a huge relief. yea. i was really paranoid for that few days. imagining how would i look like being bald. but anyways. thank god the worries are over.

my driving exam is in a week. and i so can't wait to get my car. i just need my licence so i can get my loan approval. unfortunately the car i was suppose to get was sold before i could buy it. sob sob. but its ok. cause i found a better one. =)

this is affordable car that i wanted since god knows when. so yea. a satria gti runing on a 1.8 4g93p engine. weeee.

2007-08-15T04:05:00.000-07:00

1. Who took your default pic?
My grandpa.

2. Exactly what are you wearing rightnow?
Shirt and slacks.

3. What is your current problem?
Money and girl.

4. What makes you most happy?
She makes me happy.

5. What's the name of the song that you're listening to?
4 lbs by Dj Tiesto

6. Do you like MTV?
No comment.

7. Name something that annoys you about people?
Talking too much cock.

Chapter 1:

1. Nickname?
John Five.

2. Eye color?
Brown.

3. Hair color?
Dark Brown.

Chapter 2:
Family

1. Do you live with your parent(s)?
Yeah.

2. Do you get along with your parent(s)?
Yes. We get along really well.

3. Are your parents married/separated/divorced?
Married.

4. Do you have any brothers or sisters?
2 younger brothers.

Chapter 3:
Favorite

1. Ice cream?
Chocolate.

2. Season/s?
Summer.

3. Book?
Vidal Sassoon.

4. Band/s?
The Redjumpsuit Apparatus, As I Lay Dying, Slipknot, From Autumn To Ashes

5. Food?
Western.

6. Drink(s) (non alcoholic)?
Coke.

7. Past-time?
Dead.

8. Pen color?
I actually don't own a pen.

9. Store?
Anywhere thats sells stuff i like.

Chapter 4:
Do You?

1. Write on your hand?
No.

2. Call people back?
Yea. I guess so.

3. Sleep on a certain side of the bed?
Yeap.

4. Have Mental Health Issues?
I'm insane, paranoid and fucked in the head.

Chapter 5:
Have You...

1. Broken a bone?
Nope.

3. Had physical therapy?
Nay.

4. Gotten surgery?
Yeap. Probably 1 more soon.

5. Taken painkillers?
Nope.

6. Have you ever gone scubadiving/snorkeling?
Yeap. In Pulau Tioman.

7. Been stung by a bee?
Yes. Near my tits.

8. Threw up in a doctors office?
I hardly see them.

Chapter 6:
Who/what was the last:

1. Movie you saw in the movie theatres?
Live Free Or Die Hard.

2. Person to text you?
Liyana Redzuan.

3. Thing you touched?
My phone.

5. Thing you said?
I need a drink.

6. Person you hugged?
Natalie.

7. Person to call you?
Mummy.

8. Last book you read?
Can't remember.

9. Last person you danced with?
Someone you all should know.

turn over.

2007-08-14T08:18:00.000-07:00

yea. so i guess im back to blogging as i've been missing in action for awhile. my mum just came back from india. as usual a carton of marlboro reds will be brought back. it's really hard when mummy is not around. can't imagine if she were to travel more. that is how much i need her. and of course i love my dad as well. the old man still takes care of me but doesnt spoil me. unlike mum.

work today started off alrite. and so it's been awhile since i met someone. but i just got to know her and yea. she is this girl that works like a 5 minute walk away from my salon. sadly it's her last day tommorow. so yea. she is really nice. kinda talkative. and really attractive. and so i hope i get to know her more. yeap.

it's really nice now that so far my life has been going pretty smooth. though there is always the damn work stress and pressure but i think i'm getting used to it. the family is alrite and stuff. next thing i need is a vacation and my car. which is probably coming at the end of this month or the beginning of next month. so finally it's bye bye transport problems. and i would like to thank alot of people that have been taking it easy on me. giving me advice. taking care of me. i really appreciate it. all though i still look a little lost. it's me. i always will look lost. so yea. thanks again. i love you all.

and lastly. happy 17th birthday. i called you on time and i hope your birthday has been as merry. take care.

=)

2007-08-06T04:45:00.000-07:00

i'm lazy to write...

Tagged again. I think I did this one before.

2007-07-13T05:31:00.000-07:00

layer 1 : the outside.
name : John Ng Lloyd
birth date : 22 feb 1990
current status : Stoned
eye colour : Dark brown
hair colour : Dark brown

layer 2 : on the inside
my heritage : Chinese, Welsh, Burmist, Indian.
my fears : Fear lives with me.
my weaknesses : My ding dong.
my perfect pizza : Pineapple pepperoni

layer 3 : yesterday, today, tomorrow
my first thoughts waking up : Sigh. Have to go to work.
my bed time : Before 2 a.m.
my most missed memories : 2006.

layer 4 : my pick
pepsi or coke : Pepsi.
mcd's or burger king : Mcd's.
single or group dates : Either one would be fine.
adidas or nike : Adidas.
tea or nestea : Nestea.
chocolate or vanilla : Chocolate.
cappucino or coffee : Coffee.

layer 5 : do you
smoke : I smoke like a god.
curse : hear me say "Fuck you la!! What the fuck!? Fuck off!!"
take showers : Duh.
have a crush : Not at the moment.
go to school : Nope.
want to get married : I guess so.
believe in yourself : Confidence.
think you're a health freak : Not really.

layer 6 : in the past
drank alcohol : Still drinking.
gone to the mall : Yes.
been on stage : Yup.
eaten sushi : Yeap.
dyed you hair : Yeah.

layer 7 : have you ever
played a stripping game : Errr. Can't remember.
changed who you were to fit in : Yea.

layer 8 : are you hoping to
get married soon : Maybe. Maybe not.

layer 9 : in a guy/girlbest
eye colour : Their natural eye colour will be fine.
hair colour : As long it's not lala.
short or long hair : Both are fine with me.

layer 10 : what were you doing
a minute ago : Doing this.
an hour ago : Working.
four and a half hours ago : Working.
a month ago : Working.
a year ago : Can't remember.

layer 10 : finish the sentences
i love : my life.
i feel : empty
i hate : my health.
i hide : my cock in my pants. =)
i miss : her.
i need : someone right now.

50 things about me that will turn you off.

2007-07-12T06:26:00.000-07:00

1. How tall are you barefoot?
5'11. I guess.

2. Have you ever smoked?
Like I said. I smoke like a god.

3. Do you own a gun?
You should check mine out.

4. Do you hate someone right now?
I don't hate.

5. Do you get nervous?
Most of the time.

6. What do you think of hotdogs?
Yummy.

7. What's your favorite Christmas song?
Jingle Balls.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Coffee.

9. Can you do push ups?
Duh. Everybody can.

11.What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
No idea.

12. Do you like pain killers?
This is a stupid question.

13. What is your secret weapon to lure the opposite sex?
Why would you wanna know?

14. Do you own a knife?
A very small one.

15. Do you have H.I.V?
This is another stupid question.

16. Name?
John Ng Lloyd.

17. Name 3 things u wanna do at this exact moment?
Drink, drive, die.

18. Name the last 3 things you have bought lately:
Fags, fags, fags.

19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink?
Beer, Water, Coffee.

20. What time did you wake up today?
9.00 a.m.

22. Current worry?
Future.

23 Current hate?
I told you I don't hate.

24. Favorite place to be?
My room. Nothing but peace.

25. Least favorite place to be?
One Utama.

26. Where would you like to go?
America.

27. Do you own slippers?
Yes. I can slip and fall anytime.

28. What shirt are you wearing?
A white shirt.

30. Favorite color?
Black, White, Blue.

31.Would you like to be a pirate?
I'm not sure if i'll get sea sick.

32. Last time you had an alcoholic drink?
I am alcohol free for the past 3 weeks.

33. What songs do you sing in the shower?
I don't sing in the shower.

34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
THE BOOGEYMAN!!

35. What's in your pocket/s right now?
Fags, zippo, wallet and phone.

36. Last thing that made you laugh?
Can't remember.

37. Last thing that made you cry?
Gay boy and Mei knows.

38. Worst injury you've ever had?
I nearly lost my whole lower lip.

39. Who is your loudest friend?
Gay boy.

42. Who is your most silent friend?
None.

43. Last movie watched?
Harry Potter and The Order Of The Phoenix.

44. What is your favorite book?
I don't read.

45. What is your favorite chocolate?
Mars.

47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding?
Your Guardian Angel by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.

48. What were you doing 12 AM lastnight?
Snooker.

49. What was the First thing you did today?
Had a ciggy.

50. What was the last thing you did the day before yesterday?
Smoke.

2007-07-09T06:37:00.000-07:00

Ok. So basicly i got tagged by my mei and i have to write about my crush or previous ones. I'm gonna go with my previous one. I think you all will know who i'm gonna write about.

I met this girl when i was form 3 in church. The first time i saw her was when we were at sunday school 2004. We ended up in the same confirmation group. And so to seem that my friend knew her. And one day she called me. There was also once i called and nearly got her into trouble. Yea. We got together a few weeks later and broke up less than a month later. That was when i nearly lost my lower lip due to an accident andd when her mom found out. We stopped talking. Until junior camp, I wrote her a letter. She said we could not be together.

The next time we got together was on december, during the holidays. When it was the brewball days. And broke up a month later due to missunderstandings. Though we only lasted a very short period of time. She was there for me whenever i needed her. And there came confirmation camp. We were friends, things were alrite till marcia's 16th birthday. We had our first kiss. Then things went bad from there. On the 8th of august we got together again for the 3rd time. Honestly, it was the best relationship i ever had so far. I stayed here in malaysia because of her. It was after i graduated from college.

We lasted for 4 months and we broke up again. This time it was really bad. I went out of control. I backstabbed her. We are not talking anymore. Well, I tried talking to her. But it was useless. I'm erased from her life. Not a day go by where i don't think about her. Though I'm not that same person i used to be. I don't think we are ever gonna talk again. But i was a good 2 years. Full of ups and downs. Yea. So that's bout it.

I'm not gonna tag anyone. Cause i don't want to.

2007-07-09T06:04:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged for awhile cause i got caught up with work and alot of headeches. So recently i left my job from dry cut, and as some of you all know i'm now working in ish salon. It's a lovely place with very nice and helpfull collegues, a understanding and caring boss and a whole lot of serious head banging side winding stress. So yea, as usual i'm that lifeless 17 year old who is working, have not much time for his friends and himself but is rich. OK. Maybe not that rich, but able to spend money like water. I have another 3 weeks, more or less before i get my licence. FINALLY!! And the car i'm gonna get? Well, nothing special. It's just a standard 1.8 4G92 Proton Putra. Yeap. But it's alrite. Better than paying cabbies.

And so we went to gentings for Aun Joe's 24th birthday with Alex, Kiki, Matthew, Raymond, Krystal, William, and of course the birthday boy's wife. Azat and co. joined us there for awhile. Got damn stoned. Thats about it. Nothing much happening lately.

innocence

2007-05-28T18:38:00.000-07:00

Avril Lavigne

Innocence

Waking up I see that everything is ok

The first time in my life and now it's so great

Slowing down I look around and I am so amazed

I think about the little things that make life great

I wouldn't change a thing about it

This is the best feeling

This innocence is brilliant, I hope that it will stay

This moment is perfect, please don't go away, I need you now

And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by

I found a place so safe, not a single tear

The first time in my life and now it's so clear

Feel calm I belong, I'm so happy here

It's so strong and now I let myself be sincere

I wouldn't change a thing about it

This is the best feeling

This innocence is brilliant, I hope that it will stay

This moment is perfect, please don't go away, I need you now

And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by

It's the state of bliss you think you're dreaming

It's the happiness inside that you're feeling

It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

It's so beautiful it makes you want to cry

This innocence is brilliant, it makes you want to cry

This innocence is brilliance, please don't go away

Cause I need you now

And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by

This innocence is brilliant, I hope that it will stay

This moment is perfect, please don't go away, I need you now

And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by

happy 19th anniversary

2007-05-22T04:24:00.000-07:00

to my beloved mummy and daddy,
happy 19th anniversary. love.

to my gay boy...

2007-05-14T08:42:00.000-07:00

matthew,
i'm always here for you. yes she has left. but its not the end of the world. like once you said that this is life. as much as we want to change so many things. we can't. it's going to be hard. but i got your back. like what happend half a year ago. you took care of me. now i'm going to take care of you. like i promise your mei. i know i can be a bitch sometimes. but im there whenever you need me.

**i did not mean to make this post sound gay. but hopefully it hits him. in a good way. not the gay way. watever.

goodbye mei..

2007-05-13T03:08:00.000-07:00

it was my mei's last day here on friday.. had dinner with her, matt and her family.. then headed to steven's corner for our last mamak session till dunno when...

thanks for being around.. though i havent said this but thank you.. you actually kept all of us together.. like i promise.. i will take care of matt.. you take care and remember you always have a family here.. kor loves you..

**well gay boy.. we are back to square one..

"How old were you when you first..."

2007-05-07T07:30:00.000-07:00

"How old were you when you first....."

1. Fell in love-
When i was 16.

2. Lost someone close to you-
My grandpa.

3. Drank alcohol-
At the age of 9.

4. Smoked-
15 i think.

5. Got kissed-
Spiderman.

6. Been to the hospital-
When i was born.

7. Got your heart broken-
16.

8. Lost a pet-
Can't remember.

9. Got arrested-
Nearly.

10. Got a tattoo-
16.

11. Broken a bone-
Broken someones bone.

12. Got a job-
What the hell you think i'm doing now?

13. Got cheated on-
Never did.

14. Rode the city bus alone?-
15 years old.

15. Went to a concert?-
10 years old

17. Got a cell phone-
12 years old. Cause i did alright for my Upsr.

18. Snuck out of the house-
I more more freedom than all of you. Wanna bet?

19. Drove a car
15 years old.

20. How old are you now?-
17.

Congrats..

2007-05-05T06:59:00.000-07:00

I would like say congrats to my kor and my jie.. jie has gave birth to a very healthy baby girl.. they are now refered to as uncle joe and aunty cheryl.. lol.. pics will be uploaded soon... and im gonna sleep now cause im zombiefied... maisons was great btw.. things went as planned.. except for some parts.. bla bla bla...

spiderman 3

2007-05-05T06:15:00.000-07:00

i watched spiderman 3 at the second day of its release.. it was really good.. slight dissappointments... like how venom and the symbiote costume look like.. but anyways.. they really did a good job... as usual... i would check if they come out with the statues and this is what i found...

raaaAARRrr!! they cost a bomb... all of them are half of my monthly pay... pfffft... will get my hands on them soon... hopefully...

half a mile to death...

2007-04-26T05:53:00.000-07:00

so i was half dead today at work because of last night.. but had fun though.. jen jen and her friends came over when i was working.. ponteng-ed work for bout half an hour to have lunch with them and headed to the bank to withdraw money... yesterday was also really stressfull.. i still can't believe that out of 5 junior stylist 2 are dead.. and most of the work was pushed to me.. nevermind that.. shall rant about that later... yea.. after work met up with carls and we dropped by jen's dads restraunt.. which had really nice food.. hehe.. after dinner talk cock abit.. then went to jen's place with her friends.. chill sikit.. not sikit.. quite long actually untill bout 2 in the morning..

ahh.. today.. i couldn't wake up.. but as usual.. i will somehow, always drag my dead carcass up from bed.. bleah.. i swear i could have died in work today... anyways.. i eyes are dying.. and i'm so damn lazy to rant or wateva.. nite..

2007-04-18T06:12:00.000-07:00

yeah.. i was bored.. but i actually called up to see how you were doing... im not trying to make things clear, making things better or think that things will fall into place after sometime... i'm just that ex boyfriend wanting to know how have you been doing lately.. thats all.. maybe its a liltle too much to ask.. anyways.. i hope you are really doing alright.. take care..

mummy is back...

2007-04-11T06:25:00.000-07:00

kay... i just knida got off work... really tired.. yea.. mummy came back yesterday.. after a week in dubai and left the four of us at home... went to KLIA at bout 12 midnite to fetch her...
she bought freakin loads of chocolate... she bought me beer from dubai.. and belive it or not.. its arabic beer... arabians actually drink... damn cool... one minute one of my friends who is a muslim says that beer is the piss of the devil.. funny though.. i was like shiiit... i've been drinking piss from hell.. riiiight.. anyways.. the beer also taste quite good.. fair amount of alchohol... and i got this key chain which is the hand of fatimah... i really dun have much to wirte... update soon...

tagged by kiki..

2007-04-10T00:44:00.000-07:00

5 things found in your bag :
*Cutting scissors
*Hairstyling tools
*Stooopid undang undang booklet
*Hair wax
*Duck clips

5 things found in your purse / wallet :
*My mat rempit look-a-like ID
*Prayers (I'm holy)
*Money (Of Course)
*Name Cards
*Discount Cards

5 favorite things in your room :
*My liquor bottles
*My SPAWNS!!! I love them so much.. And more to come..
*Marvel icons Venom.. They are already unavailable... Muaharharrr..
*My fucked up laptop.. But has all my stuff in it..
*My bass guitar.. It's already six years old...

5 types of people :
*People that i can get along with
*Tattoo freaks
*Car freaks
*Art freaks
*Drink lovers

5 things you’ve always wanted to do / try :
*Drive a car going at 300 miles per hour
*Get my whole body tattoo-ed
*Kick someone in the face
*Keep really long hair (Working on it)
*Make someone's sweet sixteen really sweet =)

5 things you're currently into :
*Hairstyling (I am an apprentice after all)
*Tattoo
*Art
*God Of War 2 (I'm Kratos!! The God Of War!! Raaaarrrrr!!!)
*Sleeping

5 people you tag :
*Can't remember who...

recents..

2007-04-10T00:21:00.000-07:00

alrite... so that day i was about to publish my post.. and suddenly... the com dc-ed...
i was like wtf.. i spent 20 mins doing that shit and i was a click to finishing it...
fuck head.. im lazy to type it all over again.. so i'll just do it in point form..

-i just got my tattoo done... its so sore..
-i'm gonna be an apprentice for the next god knows how long...
-my driving instucter tried to cheat my money... jibai... but didn't..
-i failed my undang undang twice.. by 1 point... ma cau fa hai..
-work is really great and i'm enjoying it..
-i nearly punched my collegue so hard that his mom wouldn't regconize him..
-i miss gay boy matt, mei and those i haven't been seeing for quite some time..
-i met this girl during work but didn't get her number cause i was ball-less..
-daddy plans to get a tattoo of a koi carp.. i'm getting one in 2 months.. x)
-mummy is coming back from dubai tonite.. yay!!
-i'm still emo-ing.. i really don't know why...
-i started sleeping so early even my dad couldn't believe it..
-i've been pms-ing alot.. so don't piss me off... i'm not in a jolly mood...
-i feel like breaking someone's face... but i dunno who...
-i think i need to get stoned...

i think that was about it.. not sure if i left out anything... anyways.. bye..

another one...

2007-04-05T07:22:00.000-07:00

LAYER 1: ON THE OUTSIDE.
Name: John Ng Lloyd
Birth Date: 22nd Febuary 1990
Current Status: Single
Eye Colour: Dark Brown
Hair Colour: Brown
Righty or Lefty: Lefty

LAYER 2: ON THE INSIDE
My Heritage : Chinese+Burmist+Indian+Welsh..
My Fears : Getting hurt...
My Perfect Pizza : You really don't wanna know...

LAYER 3: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW.
My Thoughts First Waking Up : Fuck... Gonna be late for work...
My Bedtime : n/a
My Most Missed Memory: Being loved...

LAYER 4: MY PICK.
Pepsi or Coke: Coke..
McDonald's or Burger King: Both!!
Single or Group Dates: Anything would do...
Adidas or Nike: Puma!!
Tea or Nestea: Coffee?
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate of course...
Cappuccino or Coffee: Fuck head.. Now you ask about coffee...

LAYER 5: DO YOU...
Smoke: Yes..
Curse: Don't try me..
Take a Shower: At least twice a day...
Have a Crush: I think i do...
Think You've Been In Love: I still am..
Go To School: I'm fucking working...
Want To Get Married: When my single life is over...
Believe In Yourself: Duh!!
Think You're A Health Freak: Im already dying..

LAYER 6: IN THE PAST.
Drank Alcohol: Countless times...
Gone To The Mall : Havent been there in a long time..
Perform On Stage: Yeah.. Long time ago...
Eaten Sushi: It's been awhile...

LAYER 7: HAVE YOU EVER...
Played A Stripping Game: Nope... Love to try...
Changed Who You Were To Fit In: Didn't work out...

LAYER 8: AGE YOU'RE HOPING...
To Be Married: 26-30..

LAYER 9: IN A GUY/GIRL..
Best Eye Colour: Natural..
Best Hair Colour: Natural as well...
Short Hair or Long Hair: Short or long will be fine...

LAYER 10: WHAT WERE YOU DOING..
A Minute Ago: Doing this...
An Hour Ago: Blog hopping, chatting..
4.5 Hours Ago: Working...
1 Month Ago: Being Lifeless...
1 Year Ago: In college...

LAYER 11: FINISH THE SENTENCES...
I love : Her, myself, gay boy, family and friends...
I hate: It when i'm out of ciggarettes...
I hide: My fears...
I miss: Her...
I need: To sleep now.. Good night...

boooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrred!!!

2007-04-02T19:48:00.000-07:00

1. Do you know where your brother is right now?
School.. i guess...

2. Last time you hugged someone?
Can't remember...

3. What is something you've learned about yourself recently?
That i have a million dollar fuck face smile =)

4. What color is your watch?
Silver...

5. Do you like anyone?
I guess so... Everybody has someone in mind...

6. Do you know of anyone who likes you?
Yesh... My gay boy...

7. Where do you work?
Dry Cut at Bangsar...

8. What are you listening to rightnow?
Wasted by Carrie Underwood...

9. what do you smell like?
Polo double black... Nice...

10. What color are your pants/jeans?
Dark blue...

11. Closest thing to your left?
My phone...

12. What color is your shirt?
White and Pink...

13. Do you have a brother?
Yeah.... 2 of them in fact...

14. Time you were born?
11.30 in the morning i think...

15. Do you know anyone who is engaged?
Dun wanna talk bout them...

16. What's your favorite number?
err.. 17 i guess...

17. what's your favorite color?
Black...

18. What color is your mom's hair?
Brown...

19. Do you remember singing any songs as a kid?
Ohhh!!!! this one i know.. You are not alone by Micheal Jackson...

20. When was the last time you wentswimming?
Long long time ago...

21. When was the last time you talkedto one of your siblings?
Can't remember..

22. Did you ever go to camp as a child?
Never really did...

23. Do you play an instrument?
Yeah.. the bass and the guitar...

24. Do you like fire?
Of course i love em.. they light my ciggarettes.. x)

25. Are you allergic to anything?
Antibiotics, cats and the sun.. sucks huh...

26. When was the last time you laughed?
Yesterday...

27. Have you ever been to a spA?
Nope... heard it was cool...

28. Did you take science all fouryears of high school?
I never went to skool remember?

29. Do you like butterflies?
I know someone that does...

30. What is one thing you miss about your past?
Being with someone that was there for you.. I miss her...

31. Have you ever seen the school counselor?
Fuck yeah.. The fuck head called me satan's child...

32. Have you ever wanted to be a teacher?
Children will be on drugs and ciggarettes at the age of 7...

33. What is one thing you've learned about life?
That nothing comes easy...

34. Are you jealous of anyone?
Nope...

35. Is anyone jealous of you?
Why are you asking me this stupid question?

36. Ever been stuck in an elevator?
Yesh!! On the way to borneo ink..

37. What does your mom call you?
John?

38. What does your siblings call you?
John?

39. What does you hair look like right now?
The usual hairband...

40. Has a friend ever used you?
I have very loving friends...

41. Has anyone recently told you that they like you?
Liking me is like liking the devil.. No one wants to like the devil...

42. What have you eaten today?
Why do you care?

46. Is your hair naturally curly or straight?
I have very wavvy hair...

another survey..

2007-03-31T06:19:00.000-07:00

1. My ex is still: Living her life..

2. I am listening to: Your revolution is a joke by funeral for a friend

3. Maybe I should: Get stoned...

4. I love: Her..

5. I don't understand: Her, myself..

6. I lost: Too many things...

7. People say: I am as fucked up as the devil..

8. The meaning of my screen name is: Can you ask better questions?

9. Love is: All i need right now...

10. Somewhere, someone is: Planing to kill me..

11. I will always: Love her...

12. Forever is: No such thing fuck face...

14. I never ever want to: Be gay..

15. My cell phone is: Motorola V3i..

16.When I wake up in the morning: Light a ciggarette..

17. I get annoyed if: You ask me this question again...

18. Parties are: for idiots like me..

19. My pet(s) is (are): Dead..

20. Kisses are the best when: She kissed me..

21. Today I: burned my hand..

22. Tomorrow: burn someones hand...

23. I really want: to do anything for her..

24. My girlfriend is: I don't fucking have one...

25. My mom and my dad: are still going strong...

the real world...

2007-03-25T06:52:00.000-07:00

some people say that it's amazing... that i live my own life.. no skool... having a proper income.. and some say that they will give anything to have that... the truth is.. if i could go back to skool and study.. i would.. the skool life was so relaxing the last time i remembered it? so what if you have spm or exams? when you go to college.. it is still the same.. the only differences is that your life is more relaxing.. you all so much free time.. people like me start work at 10.. we punch our cards at 9.30.. and you all know how long i take to get ready... we finish at 8 or maybe later.. oh.. we don't have lunch break btw... and we only have a day off... so basicly i'd rather stay in skool and shake my legs than get fucked left, right, center, up, down, center every single day... well.. some people like my family and friends encourage me to go through every single day.. till i become someone.. they are the ones that give that extra push.. so that i drag my dead carcass to work.. the rest of the fellas say that john is a stupid fuck.. didn't finish skool.. soesnt know jack shit.. hopeless... bla bla bla bla.. my answer back to you is.. fuck off.. i hear you saying shit in my face.. a chair comes flying.. you cross my line.. ill break your face... and just for the record... all of us are the same.. we are equally fucked up.. maybe i am a lil more.. but i am 50,000 steps ahead of you and i know where i stand in this world and you don't..

pushed back into hell...

2007-03-22T06:00:00.000-07:00

i'm always wrong.. i'm never right... i'm always fucked up... even when i try to be nice... just when the i dragged my body out of hell... i get pushed back in.. when the fuck will this end? im sorry for what i did... call me a hypocrite or whatever the fuck you want... i didn't do it to backstab you.. ok? dun belive me.. fine.. you want your chain back.. look for me... like i said.. im not looking for you... hate me as much as you want... the whole world already does... i never did pick on you.. i never did torture you... ask the world... but what the fuck la.. you probably don't give 2 shits bout me do you...

another survey...

2007-03-21T05:31:00.000-07:00

1. Whose picture is it that you keep in your wallet?

My younger brother and her...

2. What time do you usually go to bed?

That really depends..

3. What was the last thing you did before filling this survey?

Smoke..

4. Who are the people you always meet the most?

My gay boy, mei, carls.. and the list go on...

5. Who's the person you're gonna call if you need help?

Gay boy...

6. What's on your mind right now?

You don't wanna know...

7. Who's number on your speed dials?

Don't have speed dails...

8. With whom do you wanna be to have fun?

If she was still around..

9. What movie do u wanna watch now?

300!! the movie is inspiring!! FOR THE GLORY!!!

10. When was the last time you went out?

Just now...

11. What do you hate the most for now?

My right arm..

12. When was the first time you slept alone?

At the age for 5...

13. What do you wanna do for now?

Smoke some shit...

14. What do you do everyday besides eat and sleep?

Smoke, smoke, smoke.. Stone, stone, stone...

15. What could piss you off?

Someone who fucks around with me..

16. Are you a animal lover?

I don't know..

17. Colors that make you happy?

Nothing particular..

18. Most fav thing in your room?

My spawns and my laptop...

19. What was the last thing you bought for your room?

My spawn...

20. Any instruments in your room?

My bass guitar...

21. Can you cook?

I wish i knew...

22. Miss someone?

Yes.. More than anything...

23. Plan to buy something?

A pack of ciggarettes...

24. Are you satisfied with your life now?

Not yet...

25. Do you like seafood?

It's alright i guess...

26. Breakfast or dinner?

Dinner...

27. What do you usually eat forbreakfast?

Bread la... What else?

28. Did you eat breakfast today?

I was too stoned to eat...

29. Do you recycle?

I don't think so...

30. Do u have a laptop?

Yes.. although it doesn't have internet.. But there is alot of stuff in there...

31. What is your favourite fast food?

Anything would do...

32. Cats or dogs?

I'm allergic to cats...

33. Salty or sweet?

Sweet...

34. City or country?

City...

35. How do you prefer to spend your holiday?

A bottle of whisky, my friends, food and ciggarettes...

36. Is kissing normal for your age?

Fuck yeah... Why not?

37. Are you athletic?

Used to be...

38. Do you swear?

More than you smoke in a century...

39. Would you ditch your friends for a date?

Depends.. Which is more important...

40. Do you have your own cell phone?

Yeap.. My V3i

41. What do you wear to bed?

Shorts...

42. Ever had a crush on a teacher?

I never had a hot teacher..

43. Coke or pepsi?

What is the difference?

44. Sugar or spice?

Sugar..

45. Can you use chopsticks?

Do you think I'm stupid?

46. Do you like to read for pleasure?

The question sounds wrong...

47. Do you care about getting good grades?

I never went to school...

48. Have u ever fallen sleep in class?

Everyday.. When i was in school..

49. Get a job or ask your parents for money?

Both...

50. Is your dad strict?

Used to be...

51. Do your parents give you enough privacy?

I got all the privacy in the world...

52. Would you trade places (in life)with your close friends?

I'm happy with my life...

mexican green...

2007-03-21T05:15:00.000-07:00

yesterday i dragged my sorry ass off the bed and headed to help college to collect cash from sher and mj.. finally!! i have money for myself... met up with carls in mid valley and had lunch at chilli's.. carls was looking for a job so we went to bangsar village.. the new wing was pretty ok.. looked big.. but wasn't all that big.. so yea... went for a couple of interviews then we took a cab to taman desa...

dota-ed.. download stuff.. then matt came.. he wanted to bash up a taxi driver cause the taxi drive didn't give him back his change... yeah... jon lee came later.. went to his place to smoke some shit.. ahh... relaxing... and stress relief.. he pass me some to last..

so yea.. thats about what has been happening.. i'm gonna pot now... mexican green.. good shit...

back to work...

2007-03-19T06:36:00.000-07:00

well... today i woke up about 12 in the afternoon... got ready and headed to bangsar shopping complex for an interview with grace salon... yeap.. the famous grace salon... unfortunately.. if i were to work there i had to start form scratch... that would be all the way to the bottom... good thing is that she would help built my career.. now the problem comes in... i'm not very sure if i'm going to do hairstyling for the next 30 to 40 years... so yea... after that i went for another interview in telawi.. dry cut... i applied for a junior stylist or a stylist job.. they called me in the afternoon and asked me to come in to work on saturday... which is on the 24th of march... so yea.. till then...

fuck off

2007-03-18T03:34:00.000-07:00

if you are trying to hit me from the back.. don't think about it...
i am the last person you wanna fuck around with..
i am also as fucked up as you.. so fuck off...

survey...

2007-03-16T00:33:00.000-07:00

[my name is]: John Ng Lloyd
[in the morning i am]: Sleeping
[all i need is]: Weed
[i’m afraid of]: Lizards..
[i dream about]: Myself dying after a ding-dong potted 5 bullets in my head...

favourites
[colour]: Black
[number]: 17
[subject]: Err.. Never actually had one...
[clothing brand]: Anything that is nice would be fine..
[shoe brand]: Same..
[sport to play]: Is stoning a sport?
[drink]: Carlsberg.. yummy...
[animal]: Wolfs...
[holiday]: Sleep, Stone, Get Drunk, Fly...
[favourite line from a movie]: PREPARE FOR GLORY!! WE ARE THE SPARTANS!!
[band]: From autumn to ashes, in flames, funeral for a friend..

who..
[makes you laugh the most]: No idea...
[makes you smile]: Everybody does...
[gives you a funny feeling when you see them]: No one actually...
[has a crush on you]: Having a crush on me is like having a crush on the devil..
[easiest to talk to]: Gay boy matt..

do you ever..
[sit on the internet all day waiting for someone special to i.m. you?]: Sometimes...
[save aol/aim conversations]: Nope...
[wish you were a member of the opposite sex]: Never..
[cry because of someone saying something to you]: I fon't give a fuck what people say about me..
[fallen for your best friend]: Nah...
[been rejected]: Definately...
[rejected someone]: A must...
[used someone]: Wouldn't try...
[been cheated on]: Nearly...
[done something you regret]: Have you?

who was the last person
[you talked to on the phone]: Sandra Mae
[hugged]: Cheryl.. i think...
[you instant messaged]: Carlston.. SPARTA!!!
[you laughed with]: Younger Bro...

are you
[obsessive]: Sometimes.. i guess...
[could you live without the computer]: Maybe
[how many peeps are on your buddylist]: Can't remember..
[what’s your favorite food]: Western...
[fruit]: DURIAN!!
[drink alcohol]: Almost everyday.. x)
[like watching sunrises or sunset]: Sunset..
[trust others way too easily]: Nope...

number..
[of times u have had your heart broken]: Once.. It was real bad...
[of hearts u have broken]: One.. It was also really bad...
[of continents I have lived in]: One
[of drugs taken illegally]: Hehe.. Can't remember..
[of tight friends]: Gay Boy Matt...
[of cds that i own]: Lelong.. buy 3 get 1 free...
[of books]: I think i only have less than 5...
[of scars on my body]: Plenty...
[of things in my past that I regret]: Still counting...

pick one..
[marry perfect friend or perfect lover]: Lover.
[cats or dogs]: Woof!! Woof!!!
[1 or 2 pillows]: How can you sleep with one pillow?
[with or without ice cubes]: Of course with...
[top or bottom]: bottom...
[winter / spring / summer / fall]: Summer... Alot of things you can see...
[night or day]: Night.
[gloves or mittens]: Gloves.
[dressed or undressed]: Which one you prefer?
[bunk or water bed:] Bunk...
[mtv or vh1]: MTV.
[ocean or pool]: Ocean...
[showers or baths]: As long as i'm clean...
[love or lust]: Definately Love...
[silver or gold]: Silver.. Hate Gold...
[diamonds or pearls]: I'm not a lady...

if you could..
[move anywhere]: Suppose to be in U.S now.. Fuck...
[meet one famous person]: Jessica Alba!!
[live with one person the rest of your life]: My Wife?
[name one thing you love]: My lovely fucked up life...
[name one thing that embarrasses you:]: Kena bang...

lastly
[do you like school]: That is why i dropped out...
[do you like to talk on the telephone]: Wehn i feel like it...
[do you like to dance]: If i could.. I would...
[do you sing in the shower]: Nope...
[do you think cheerleading is a sport]: I'm not sure myself...
[what’s on your ceiling]: Light...
[what’s the hardest thing about growing up]: Looking at yourself grow old.. =)

your revolution is a joke

2007-03-16T00:13:00.000-07:00

They stand to fight for nothing.

We show them how stupid we've become.

As fortune favours only,

those who care to much to see.

Oh it will never be okay,

as some will say.

We stand to fight for nothing,

so close your eyes and stay away.

Don't believe their headlines

they poison our lives, everyday

Oh it will never be the same,

the purpose bearing everyday.

The lies that lead you into the grave.

As some will say.

And you will never be okay,

as some will say.

Purpose bearing everyday,

as some will say.

Lies that lead you to the grave,

as some will say.

your revolution is a joke,

as I will say..

metaphoric lie

2007-03-15T06:52:00.000-07:00

he woke up today... thought that it is time for his life to turn around... he smiled to his mummy early in the morning... they took a drive down town.. hoping that everything will trun out alright... while we were waiting for the results... the lady that was on the counter rejected his request... he can't help but to start questioning his ownself... why? the only question was why.. haven't i gave you enough proof that i deserve my visa? he hold in his tears as much as he can... mummy was really dissapointed and so was the son... he really thought that it is time to start a new life over there... he really couldn't wait to get out of here... even his aunt and uncle could not believe it... they prepared a room for him... it was really beautiful... all his life he never thought that he would get this chance get out of this country... he was so excited to go... though he didn't really know what he wanted to do there... after months of working morning till night... 10 to 9.. saving all the money he could get... and now his dream of getting out of this country.. the adredeline rush he had to see something new was all crushed down... just like that... when he reached home.. he got down the car and just took off... he was at the back alley near his house.. tearing and smoking.. he called his pet brother... crying.. he also left both of his jobs.. he called his ex girlfriend.. though maybe she doesnt want to see his fucked up face anymore.. he really didnt know who he could go to.. the love he has for her is still there.. thinking maybe she could comfort him a little.. it didn't help.. he called his younger sis.. his older sis.. they were there for him.. but the spirit left in him has just faded away... he sat down a think carefully.. what has become of him and what has happend to his life.. he lost a person that he loved so much.. because he was fucked up.. if there was something.. someone or anything that would ask him to pay a price of any cost to get her back.. he definately would... he lost his chance of getting a new life and future.. but people that loved him so much.. told him.. maybe its not time for you to go... maybe there is something here for you before you go... and they told him that it will take much more than that to bring me down.. he got up on his feet.. and he started a new life.. here.. in this very country... another six months.. and he will give it one more try... he thanks all those who have been there for him.. even though when he was so screwed up.. he wants them to more he love them from the bottom of his heart...

whatever goes around comes around...

2007-03-13T11:26:00.000-07:00

that something u would wanna find in a person is what kind of person he or she really is... i sat down and think.. what kind of a person am i? sitting down on my old chair.. with my music playing and a ciggarette... and then i realize... john five... you are really one hell of a fucked up person... thinking back of the things that i have done to hurt every single person that i love in life...

it irritates my mind sometimes i just wanna die... december 2005... i got my friend into an accident... 1 out of 5 of us were sent to the hospital... 30 stiches and a nearly broken jaw.. my friends car was a total loss... feb 2006... i could not take it in school.. so i dropped out and started hairstyling... now.. im working 2 jobs.. restraunt managing and free lancing in hairstyling... may 2006.. me and some people.. rob 2 advertising companies... june 2006.. i broke someone's heart... really badly... i'm sorry... march 2007.. i lied to someone.. again i have nothing to say... not because i do not feel guilty.. because im speechless... im sorry...

these are just the few things remembered then... though there was alot happening... sometimes don't you just wonder... when is karma or whatever gonna get back at me? there is a saying whatever goes around comes around right? i'm really just waiting... waiting for it... to bite me so hard.. for all the things i have done... i know what i have did... and i know what ill get.. but i dunno when... i'm not looking for sympathy but i just wanna let you readers know.. how fucked up i really am...

the usual weekend...

2007-03-12T05:19:00.000-07:00

saturday was a pretty much boring day... until the nite that is.. jon came and pick me up about 7.30.. then we headed to pick up sher and sammo... went makan.. and then we were at bar blonde for amanda choe's 18th birthday... layan for a while and then off to maison's where sammo was working and a few of jon's friends was there.. one of jon's friends happend to work with me a couple of months back in a salon located at damansara jaya.. so yea... got home bout 3+ and crashed in my bed... i wasnt drunk but tired.. and trust me.. it was a very sober nite...

sunday morning.. as usual gay boy matt would disturb my sleep... and mei would come along... we went to mid valley later on... was in brewball.. foosing.. unfortunately.. matt has gotten so much better.. so i got ta pau-ed quite badly... we took a cab to taman desa and eat.. dota-ed for awhile.. yam cha.. and i went off to amcorp... saw a few friends.. and we decided to order pizza for dinner... it was canadian pizza... not bad though... it was nice and filling... me and allan headed to taman bahagia.. we picked up alfred and headed to the mamak.. i realized i haven't yam cha with alfred for what.. about 1 and half years.. so did some catching up.. and i went home straight..

today i woke up really late.. so i ponteng work.. will be back to work tmr.. yea.. basicly just helped out with house chores and sleep.. sleep... and more sleep...

sien sien sien....

2007-03-10T02:46:00.000-08:00

I"M BORED!!! WHERE IS MY GAY BOY!!??

looking back at the past...

2007-03-07T23:17:00.000-08:00

these few days it just linger in my head wheather i was meant for her... wheather we are suppose to be together... or maybe we live in so different lifes that things would just not work out... the truth is.. i do not know the answer... everytime i think about it... it just start to hurt... thinking back of the times we were together... when i was just on top of the world when we are together... i always thought that it'll last for a very long time... i don;t know if 2 years is long... but in that 2 years we just got hurt.. went to somone else... when it felt wrong.. that someone would be just put aside and we will get back together... i also thought that maybe we were meant for each other... but again and again and again.. i was wrong...

some people who were there for me said that just give it time.. after awhile.. u will get back on your feet and go on with your own life... i knew it a long time that time doesnt heal your wounds... it just helps you to get over it.. that is if your lucky... i have spent 3 almost for months picking up where i left off... till today... i still feel the pain inside... if u asked me today if i'd regret staying back here for this girl... being with this girl.. or loving this girl.. the answer is no... i do not regret.. though she had made me gone through hell.. but she also showed me alot of things... its also one of the reasons i still have her chain on... think of me as a pathetic fuck... i do not care... i am now that better person because of her...

2 years ago.. people like matt, sandra, marcia and her were the only people that i appreaciate.. the people that i value... even though all of us are seperated to our own worlds... i will always keep those memories in my heart... like late nite sneak out into the park.. under the tunnel.. late nite calls... calling each other stupid names.. pool... brewball.. confirmation.. outings to one utama and mid valley... baby do u still love me?.. poyo.. lala shuffle dance.. yea... it is true that good memories do keep you alive... but anyways i am only 17.. you would never know what will happen in the future.. so yea.. i will always love you...

off to the states soon...

2007-03-06T00:48:00.000-08:00

bloddy hell... never knew that getting a visa to the states would be so hectic... so basicly me and mummy was online for about 2 hours.. figuring out how to register and make an appointment for thye interview... blah blah blah... and we got them done... the american embassy wants a picture of me passport size.. hair must be all to the back... must be able to see my forehead and ears clearly... my interview is on the 15th of march... and its a 100 dollars (american dollars) for the interview.. and if i dun get my visa.. they keep the 100 dollars... we check the air ticket and it was about 2k++.. the only thing done was that the money to the states was already covered.. which mummy decided that i should bring 300 dollars incase... so you do the math and figure out how much is it here... bleah... so basicly by end of the month i'll be broke...

tommorow is daddy's birthday.. and he is turning 55... old man... so i guess plans tommorow will be:

12.00- tattoo appointment with borneo ink

5.00- run somewhere and get daddy's birthday present

6.00- help mummy prepare dinner before daddy comes home

8.00- daddy's birthday dinner

10.00- do whatever the fuck i want...

yea... and i might be leaving to johor for work... sighs... more work to do... im off tommorow but i have to get back to work now...

another day goes by...

2007-03-05T01:16:00.000-08:00

and so i was sleeping soundly until gay boy matt came to my place and woke me up... i couldn't recognize him... cause gay boy is bald... his head.. is so... distracting... lol... and yea... mei came over for awhile... they left bout 12.30.. cause i had chap go meh lunch which turned out to be a con-job... it was dinner instead of lunch so yea... bleah...

i recieved a cd from church... containing pictures when i was in confirmation about 2 years ago... it was a really nice cd... it had alot of pictures of us... during the 2 camps.. and confirmation day itself... though it was really nice looking at them... yeah... i really miss the camp and the people there...

yea.. and another 2 days to go before getting my tattoo... can't wait...

bored bored bored!!!

2007-03-02T00:27:00.000-08:00

yea.. so im back to work now.. after 4 days off... nothing much has happend... my aunty just got back from thailand... getting my tattoo in 4 days... ohhhh... and i found spawn 9 form series 29... it was a shock when my friend brought in the figure... oh... and series 24 the blood axe...

these are the 2 which i've been looking for...

expectations of 2007

2007-02-25T07:40:00.000-08:00

ok... so these are the few things this year... here goes...

1. leave to the states and become someone.. (i hope)

2. quit smoking.. (i know many people think that it's impossible, cause watching me quit is like watching the devil become good)

3. finish my spawn collection..

4. get my car..

5. keep really long hair..

6. tattoo a half sleeve.. (which is 10 days from now)

7. oh... this one is a must.. GET MY FUCKING LICENCE!!! its about fucking time...

8. meet someone special.. (hopefully)

9. owh yea... get a tattoo of mummy and daddy... (definately wil be done by kat from miami ink)

10. lastly, would to have more faith in myself...

yea... so here you have it... hmmm... i'm bored now... actually with panjang in mmo... off from work tomorow... finally a break and relief of stress... k.. thats about it... gonna dota now...

and my story goes on..

2007-02-22T22:35:00.000-08:00

yeah... and so i had another suprise when i was in my room yesterday... joe, cheryl, raymond, his chick, and ah boi gave me a suprise when i went down stairs and saw cheryl holding a cake... sweet... yea... after that we headed to taman desa to yam cha... ray and his chick got back home 1st cause ray wasnt feeling too well... don't blame him though... the wheather is fucked up... taman desa.. met up with a few people... i dragged alex chiam to see me... it was nice seeing him.. until he started dropping bombs at me... yea.... dun wanna talk bt it... after all that i got back home and arrange my old wrestling cards cause i was gonna sell them today... think of me as i'm a geek.. not only i used to play card games but i still do collect comics and action figures/toys/models/statue.. i do not know how u want to know them as... suprising huh... yea.. so i finished arranging them and it was bt 5-6 o'clock.. so off to bed i go...

today i could not fucking get up from bed... though my alarm was irritating the shit outta me.. but i just didnt want to get up... i ended up getting off bed at about 12.30 and quicky rush into the shower... i was late for work... lucky my manager wasn't there... bleah... finished the lunch crowd and i headed off to the comics coner 2 block away from where i work... yea.. bought spawn issue 164.. and i have to wait for next month to get issue 165... hmmm... i also realized that my cards were worth bt 1200-1500... yea man...

another thing is that somethings are still affecting me.. its been almost 3 months... it's sometimes getting worse everyday... i've been drinking everyday since christmas eve... maybe not so much this 2 weeks.. but yeah... i dunno if im suffering from insomnia or im just thinking to much that the pain is still there that i have to drink to sleep... yeah.. that is one thing which i need to fix but i do not have the solution... i miss her so so much... everything we used to do.. but honestly.. i dun wanna mess up her life anymore... she has a better life now.. i can see she is happy now.. just so you know.. i've tried and tried and tried to let go.. but i can't... but i'm not gonna bother you anymore... my time is up here... im already leaving in 4 weeks... so yea.. but please forgive me.. i dunno what to do... please forgive me i cant stop loving you...

john five turns 17

2007-02-21T22:09:00.000-08:00

i would like to thank all those who have called or sent sms-es for my birthday... really means alot.. espeacially those who wished me mid nite yesterday... yea.. 17... getting old... but still feeling young...

wasn't anything special today though... but just spend time with my family... actually its more than enough for a birthday... don't need anything more... unless someone wanna buy me a car then you are welcome... x)....

so that's about it i guess... at work now though... daddy was like "you are working on your birthday?" and i said "fuck yeah!!! i need money!!!" yup... so neways... i'm gonna go back to work.. and again thanks for all the wishes... love you all...

missing in action...

2007-02-20T23:01:00.000-08:00

it's been awhile since i blogged... everytime i would just be lazy to write bout something... but hey.. bored now.. so i re-did the whole thing... hmmm.. anyways.. a happy chinese new year to those who are reading... yea... i would just give a summary of what has been happening for the past 2-3 months..

did a roadshow on jan... was in johor, ipoh and kl.. it was the gatsby roadshow... yea... then started working.. in damansara jaya.. and living life the way it is... and also busy with work... work and work and work... nothing but work... got my 2nd tattoo from borneo... and shall finish the whole thing by 7th of march... its the first time im throwing 1200 for a tattoo... insane i know...

this month was a complete month of boredom... work from day till nite... valentines day was boring... was alone though.. then chinese new year was just collecting ang pows, getting fat and getting drunk... oh... and happy birthday to my fuck face matt... hope you are happy with what we did for you... anyways that is bt it..

traumatized...

2006-12-31T00:49:00.000-08:00

it's been a very long time since i blogged... so yea.. life is full of shit now... i have no life, no job... basicly nothing here... i sometimes dunno what the fuck im still doing here.. just stoning and burning time... hoping and wishing that god would just grant me wings so i can fuck off and die..

yesterday, someone got drunk and msged me... i dunno why does she have to do that.. i'm being honest now... i still do love you... but don't make it harder than it already is... it's already so damn hard to find myself now.. i do still wanna call u up late at nite and talk to you or do the stuff we normally do... but it's too hard... its even hard being around here... i cannot take it when the memories linger in my mind and haunt me everytime i see you... like u said the last time.. its just too hard being around.. its already affecting me so badly... so please dun make it any harder...

things really haven being going very well for me... untill now i still cant find myself.. or figure out what is wrong with myself.. suprisingly only my kor realsizes that i haven been being myself...
i really wonder how am i suppose to get out of this nightmare before it screws me up left, right, center... yea... i only have less than 5 weeks here before i'm flying off to america.. btw.. merry christmas and a happy new year everyone...

my life into a downward spiral...

2006-11-25T03:13:00.000-08:00

it is already a week that i have lost something... i noe we live in different life's but it was you the one who told me to stay here.. you told me that we can work things out... i trusted you.. honestly.. the knife that you used to stab my heart is still left there... i really don't know what came up to your mind.. i not blaming you for anything but wasting my time.. you said that if we argue we can make things work.. well.. look what it turned out.. i'm left like that.. without a good-bye or what-so-ever... im really dissapointed.. and if u think my brother is immature.. you should take a good look at yourself... when elena called me when the bombshell happend.. i did not insult your friend.. she protects you so as matt protects me.. you can't make everyone like you.. you can't please the world... if u think u can.. good luck... when i dropped that bombshell.. i took my time to think.. and i did my very best to make it up to you.. i don't expect you to do the same... oh.. and at least i did not leave the thousand needles in your heart like you left that knife in my heart... trust me.. it hurts so fucking bad.. and u noe what? i lost my job.. without pay.. but then again.. i just lost my time here.. i thought i had lost the most.. come to think of it.. you lost the most.. you noe what you lost.. i'm not trying to piss you off, trying to get back at you or i'm the one being pissed.. these are just facts of life that you can never change.. its just dissapointing you know.. if its about making spaggetti.. your dead wrong.. because it was never bt it.. it was about us.. loving each other.. but yea.. it is not a regret.. but a lost.. and now if u were in my shoes.. u will be dead.. no job, no life.. but.. i have my friends around that took care of me.. Love You btw..

like a knife stabed through my heart and left there..

2006-11-21T00:21:00.000-08:00

sometimes i don't know what to write when i come to this page... my mind is blank and i can't seem to think... i miss her so much... they said that love cannot be seen if even touched... it only can be felt with the heart.. but they never said how much it would hurt.. i never imagine how much it could hurt... its so painful.. till you end up lost... you tear.. every nite before you sleep.. before you go to bed.. sometimes you wished that you can just pull youself through.. but i do not and never will regret anything that had happend... you also try to distract myself... but it doesnt work... you would just want to hold that someone close to you... that someone that loves you.. that touched your heart.. that was there for you no matter what.. but to make her happy.. would you do anything? i noe i would.. although i don't agree to it.. but i respected it no matter what.. even i wanted not to agree to it.. and btw..i found this song along the way..

Tim Mcgraw feat. Faith Hill
It's Your Love

Dancing in the dawn, middle of the night
Takin' your heart and holding it tight
Emotional touch, touching my skin
And asking you to do what you've been doing all over again
Oh it's a beautiful thing, don't think I can keep it all in
I just gotta let you know what it is that won't let me go

It's your love
It just does something to me
It sends a shock right through me
I can't get enough And if you wonder
About the spell I'm under
It's your love

Better than I was, more than I am
And all of this happened by taking your hand
And who I am now is who I wanted to be
And now that we're together
I'm stronger than ever
I'm happy and free

It's your love
It just does something to me
It sends a shock right through me
I can't get enough
And if you wonder
About the spell I'm under
It's your love

title-less

2006-11-18T04:28:00.000-08:00

the reason why this i title-less is because i can't think... yesterday was hell for me.. until now i'm still lost.. thinking what to do.. honestly.. i always found a way out from everything that overcame me.. but now.. its different.. i sat down on my bed just tearing.. all i can think of is my baby.. that i need her so much... i wanted to scream my lungs out... hoping that she will hear me.. i noe sometimes i ask too much.. i doubted you.. and im not understanding... i'm sorry.. but its sometimes its really hard holding it in... im not the perfect boyfriend... but u noe that i love you with all my heart.. i care for you so much.. is karma getting back at me for what i did to you 3 months ago...? i think so... it bit me so hard.. it hurts so much that i'm so lost... i wanted to run away... never come back.. but that will make me a coward... so yea.. hu do i go to baby? when im so damn fustrated? who do i go to when i wanna scream my lungs out? who do i go to when i'm having a bad day? someone to comfort me.. and cheer me up... and make my day go well... hu is gnn make me laugh and call me silly names? i think that someone that i love so much did all of those for me...

Thoughts, truth and lies..

2006-11-13T21:20:00.000-08:00

on saturday 10.35p.m. right after i got home from work.. sha msg me saying that kristen's mum have passed away.. it was quite a shock.. me and matt went to her place... i stayed over and went to work the next day... the thing is kristen is like 16 turnin 17 and has a little bro who is like 12.. they have lost their mom.. i used to think that i can take care of myself.. i didn't give a fuck if i'd died cause of lung cancer of whatever.. but to actually think of it very carefully... i do have alot to lose.. that i'm so damn afraid to die.. but if it's god's will then i can't say shit.. i haven't live my life the way i wanted it... and if i did lose my mom.. i dunno what would i do.. my dad is already old and i'm not even sure if he is ok... a few months ago.. he fainted in church.. when my mom told me.. it just turned my whole world into a downward spiral.. though me and him fight alot.. but knowing he had sacrifice so much for me.. i dunno what i'll do... and so i went to her mummy's funeral yesterday with sha, triff, ivan, aaron and baby... I noe that i should not lie bout myself that i can take care of myself.. true enough i can.. but i can't... not with anybody around.. even my parent, friends, family, girlfriend give me headeches.. but i really do need then so much... am i dependent? yes.. i am.. sadly...

Time already flew so fast.. and now its almost end of 2006... i'm already heading to US after new year... and yea... the smallest things i want sometimes its like trying to get pandora's box or trying to touch and get a piece of heaven above.. i don't have much time left... my baby is gonna have her spm.. and she has so many plans during the hols.. and it's almost impossible to slot me in.. i don't blame her.. really... but it's really hard sometimes.. that u just wanna be with that special someone you love so much... but you can't... but i'm bearing with it.. it's not really a burden... but i guess i have to get used to it... cause i want to be with her.. and i really need her around..when i was going out with other girls... i never knew how it felt like when u can't slot them in to spend time with them.. they just really want to spend time with you.. but u can't slot them in cause of dota or friends.. now i know what it is like.. it feels like hell.. sometimes i miss her so much.. that it kills me.. slowy and slowy.. till tears even start rolling down... but no matter what.. i do really love her...

Come to think of it... i am a professional hairstylist.. FINALLY!! 8 months in a cut above.. and now in chezz technique.. the people there are nice.. seriously.. but kinda stuck cause they speak in cantonese.. and my cantonese is kinda bad.. i understand though.. but cant reply... is hairstyling the thing i wanna do for the rest of my life? gosh.. i dunno.. im only 16.. and yea... i'd like to do it.. but i still wanna find out.. is there anything else in the world that i can do for a living.. i am a car freak.. i can just stare at it... thats why i have to go to US.. for college... or maybe i find out that i can do something else.. you'll never know rite? yea... they are always so many things on my mind.. 5 years from now.. where would i be? that is for god to know and for me to find out...

truth?

2006-11-13T19:32:00.000-08:00

you know i wouldn't hurt you again,
you know i need you so much,
you know that life wouldn't mean much without you,
you know you should trust me now and then,

i'm not that person you used to know anymore,
i'm not gonna do what i did to you last time,
i'm that someone that loves you with all his heart,
i'm that someone that thinks about you every second,

will i still love you if i left?
will i go that extra mile for you?
will i sacrifice so much for you?
will i do whatever i can to spend time with you?

you know the answer.. i don't think i need to question that.. i love you and that is all that matters..

is god trying to kill me or is karma biting me?

2006-11-08T05:42:00.000-08:00

yea... i had a massive arguement with my baby... so yea... was all emo... but now i'm ok i guess.. sometimes i really just wanna scream god can u pls help me... i really need his help... maybe its karma gettin back at me for what i did to my baby 3 months ago... well... what the fuck... it can throw whateva it wants... but its not gnn change anything... i love my baby and nothing is ggn change that.. i dun care if i have to go through hell just to see her...

**babe.. i promise things are gnn be ok.. i noe we have been argueing alot... but sometimes its really hard.. cause u wanna see someone you love so badly.. i noe mummy and u have to work hard so that u can get a good future... as much as i wanna stop you.. but i can't.. i reason why i din leave is because i love you so much... and i cant leave you... i need you babe... i stayed so that i can be with you until u leave... i wan to be here for u babe... i'm not willing to leave u now... hmmm... still at the end of the day... u noe that i love u so damn much... we'll figure things out like we always do... i love love u oh so ever so much babe.. kiss!!kiss!!

free your mind...

2006-11-04T00:49:00.000-08:00

yeah... im in mmo now as usual... i just saw my baby and sandy... matt is here with me now... its was really nice seeing her though... its kinda a lil pissing off when someone doesnt want me there... to let you noe.. i was about to think ur changing and that your okay... but after today... i dunno le... i dunno wheather ur trying to get anybody's attention or what.... i dun care... but i dun spend time with her much... im gnn start working next week and im leaving on january... i dun wanna judge u or anything... but please...

anyways... yesterday i was in mid valley looking for a job... i met up with sher, sammie, wen d and nik... had lunch in chilli's and then off to telawi for wen d and nik's hair do... yea... i got a job in dry cut.. and i was like.. that was fast... yea... so i start this friday... yeap.. then we were off to sammie's place.. and watch the covernant... fucking nice weih... and then off to maizon... not even 15 minutes and sher, sammie were gone... fucking drunk weih... ahahaha... but the nite was alrite...

killed by boredom...

2006-10-30T04:38:00.000-08:00

kay... today was pretty boring.. that it almost killed me.. actually killed me.. yea... got up today and it was about almost 12.30 in the afternoon... then got washed up and was actually figuring out what to do for the day... instead i called up my old principal from a cut above acedemy and asked her if she could get me an interview with any other salon.. unforetunately my luck ran out like a downfall... yea... ended up playin the playstation... was playing god of war.. until i got so sick of restarting over and over again cause smart me played the game with god mode... yeap... cant seem to get through one of the last level and got me all stressed up... nvm then.. went watch tv.. and so i was watchin i,robot... not a bad show... though i watched it a few times.. and come to think of things i realize i so FUCKING miss my baby... hehe... yea... she called me after her nap.. and yea... had dinner and now im waiting for a friend in tmn desa... we havent really hung out for awhile.. so yea... and tmr i have a medical check up in sjmc... sigh... wonder what the doc is gonna say*gulps*.. yea... oh yea... and i highlighted my hair again... form my pale blonde is now platinum blonde.. yay!! im not a dumb blonde or what so ever.. till then...

the drama?

2006-10-29T01:35:00.000-08:00

this is the update... there was quite a number of dramas happening this week... i dunno whats up but yea... my parents told me they can't really support me cause i already graduate.. and yea... i'm only 16... cant really do jack shit without them... yea... i dun wanna talk bt the drama.. cause its already over.. things are ok... i'd like to put things a side... and just enjoy life...

**baby... i noe we come from very different backgrounds.. i know its a little hard sometimes.. but you know i love you... the life i have live in before we got together is already over... i dun care what other ppl thinks... i love u and that is all that matters now... alot of ppl say that there are other girls out there... why her? OUCH!! i noe... but i choose to be with this girl cause she was there for me when no one was.. she hanged on to me even when i did hurt her so badly... and she gave me everything... We talk and the phone for hours.. callin each other names and stuff.. though she drives me insane but she does make my world go round..honestly speakin... i dun think i can actually find another girl like her... girls like her only come once in a black moon.. x).. BABY!! BABY!! i love u oh so ever so much... and u noe i'm never gonna leave you... i promise...

i'm in mmo now... yesterday was very dramatic... at nite... yea... saw baby, marshy, sandy and matt at one utama.. then was off to meet up with weng and then dinner at steven's corner... yea... to mmo then matt house... today woke up and went for breakfast with baby, marshy, sandy, marsh and matt... it was alrite... my baby wrote 101 things she love bt me... though i wrote one for her few days back.. but it was SO SWWEEEETT!!! gosh... I LOVE U BABY!! best thing is.. it's in her blood.. heee... i like.. yea.. till then..

the unexpected...

2006-10-25T10:04:00.000-07:00

on monday we went to breden's hse to celebrate his 16th b'day... i was in matt's place.. then we went to marshy's hse.. off to breden's hse in shah alam.. yup.. baby, marsh, sandy, me, matt, and weng were there till bt 11+... we played the drinkin game.. and unfortunately someone got drunked... yea.. i was with my baby on the floor... and then a huge drama started... not me and her.. but someone else.. so for the whole nite we only slept at about 6 trying to figure out things... yea... other than that things were quite ok.. i had alot of fun baby... hehe... till then...

jailed...

2006-10-25T09:09:00.000-07:00

i'm in matt hse now... as usaul talkin cock and bullshitting... I MISS MY BABY!! though i saw her today in ou for a while... yea.... hmmm... i dun get to see her really often... so yea... its just this week that i saw quite a number of times... so after that i went to shop my new pair of jeans... then i was off to see matt, sandy, and rae in stevens corner in oug... then back to matt's place.. yup... dying of boredome.. and just got of the phone with my baby... yea... till then..

2006-10-22T10:27:00.000-07:00

today... i woke up at 9 to have breakfast with baby, weng and marsh.. then we headed to mid valley to meet up with matt and sandy... sandy just got back frm aussie and got me a black lighther... hehe... yeap.. after lunch.. we went to play pool and then coffee bean... i left after baby left... and now in matt hse.. yea... baby!! i had fun today!! lots of fun.. hehe... till then...

baby...

2006-10-22T09:48:00.000-07:00

your the reason why i'm still here.. your the reason why i'm smilin everyday.. your the reason why everthing is ok.. you have changed my life so much.. sometimes i keep thinkin that what if one day we have to seperate.. the day you leave... you know i'm not going to say good-bye... i'll say see you soon... but one thing i know is that happy memories keep you alive... there is still so much i wanna tell you.. but sometimes the words just won't come out my mouth... you know that i'll always be here for you.. whenever wherever you need me... i remember the first time we got together.. it was so weird cause i was so shy... later on things got bad... yea.. we had to break up... and it was sohard to get over you... you know i made a very big mistake... i really do regret.. yea... the second time we got together was better.. but it still ended up bad... the way that we will ignore each other for months... yea... then i dropped a bombshell on u... and there was a huge drama going on.. im sorry baby... hehe... you know i am.. but it's amazing that someone can hang on to an idiot who drops a bombnshell... and yea... baby... u really made me the happiest guy... i really dunno hat am i gonna do without you... u noe i love you oh so so ever ever so much... and i'm never gnn leave you.. unless u want me to... babe.. u noe i'm sorry for all that i've done to hurt you... hmmmm... but then again like u said babe.. our love is like a rollercoaster... it goes up and down but the ride sure is alot of fun.. =).. yea... anyways... i'm seeing you tmr baby... yea... i love u babe.. mwah...

been gone for awhile..

2006-10-21T08:31:00.000-07:00

i havent updated my blog lately... i was fixing alot of things and stuck with college... yea... so these are the updates... i graduated from a cut above academy already... sad that i have to leae them but yea... it was about time... i'm so in love with my oh so stuborn, irritating but hot and sexy baby belle... yea... thing are really great now... it was about time things turn around... yeap... babe.. if ur reading this i wan u to noe that i can never find another girl like u... u noe i love u oh so ever so much... mwah!! so yea... finally bloging again... till then...

stresss.....

2006-07-21T12:57:00.000-07:00

its been damn stress after my exam started and i have have 2 major competition to participate in... sigh... she din msg me for already 6 days... no msg or call... everytime i hang on to my fon... i always hope ill recieve a msg frm her.. or a call... im giving all the space i can... but sometimes its really lonely without her... though i have been really busy that i dun even have the time for myself... somehow... sometimes i feel like a rebound... like someone said im just deeply in love with something i can never have... waiting to get hurt then ill only come to my senses... im just hiding myself... hoping everyday that ill still have that chance or am i just lying to myself... if she really has others guys or guys after her... maybe she'll be better of with them... dun wan her to say she's holding on to me cause she doesnt want to hurt me but inside she doesnt love me... dun leave me hangin like that.. i dun wanna to look pathetic... if u hurt me ill go crazy... haha... im not that 16 year old boy u meet everyday... if she really wan me to let go of her.. just have to tell me.. dun give me false hope... and keep waitin... and get nothing out of it... i dunno le... maybe i should just let her go...

i'm sorry b..

2006-07-09T04:22:00.000-07:00

im sorry if i had been different these days... its just that i really dun wanna lose u again... but like i said.. im puttin myself in a risk of gettin heart broken again... some ppl say its not worth it... but i think it is... even though i dun make it.. but i know i did what i could... u really mean alot to me... sometimes im just havin alot on my mind that maybe i merajuk or blast back at you... im really sorry if i did hurt you.. its the last thing that i wanna do... im sory if i pissed u off b... i didnt mean it at all... i miss u though.. ur messages, ur hugs, ur kisses... baby u noe i love u so so much...

Title-less

2006-06-23T07:28:00.000-07:00

dun be sorry... stop saying that... wat do u really want now? i would like to noe...
i really wish god gave me wings... i can really fuck off here.. i just got screwed from my boss... cause i did not tell my lecturer that i was going off early... basicly got my lecturer screwed ... yea.. things are gett in from bad to worse le.. sigh... i miss u... u noe who u are... im happy for actually making u happy... seeing u happy was all i ever wanted... ur smile always brightens my day... yea... thanks for being around... u really mean alot to me... i dunno if im going anywhere... but i'll be around...

Lost

2006-06-21T20:28:00.000-07:00

i dunno what to say... ever since i broke up with you... i've been non-stop thinking 24/7... i cant explain anythin... but u need to noe u broke my heart... so badly i really wanted to just die... now its been like wat? bt almost 5 years wee known each other... i did like u... but he was always in the way... when we got together... i was so so happy... it was and still is really nice seeing u around... i dun wanna hurt anybody baby... thats why i cant... but in the end... someone always get hurt... u noe what... i used to think im just like a puppet ppl use to hurt.. im so scared of gettin into a relationship... but it took me alot to actually ask you... but you should have said no to me.. and sort ur feelings out... i dun blame u love him more than me.. i understand that... its so damn hard to actually get over this... i do love her... no doubt... but u also have to understand that i love you.. and that will never change... wheather u hate me or not... u noe it was so nice seeing u that day... thanks for comin.. it really means alot to me... when i actuaslly sit down and think for awhile.. i miss u so so much... that if i cant get over this... i wanna run somewhere and never come back... maybe u wun believe all this i just wrote.. but just keep in mind that i love you...

love wish or death wish??

2006-06-17T00:37:00.000-07:00

i juz broke up with her 1 week ago.. but there were no regrets... if it wernt 4 that... i would nvr realize ho much i love with a certain special someone... its hard with out my ex... my some1 is there 4 me... makin me fall in love with her... if ur reading this... i want u to noe im sorry... i love some1 more than her cause we have been through so much... thanks 4 makin me happy... although i still miss u... yea...
Its really kinda complicated ler... but i have just got back on track with my carreer and my family... things are gettin better now... i had a nice joint yesterday... it was good... ahahaha.. its been awhile.. yeah... im out... again in that moment when you dunno what to write... lol...

alive...

2006-05-29T06:43:00.000-07:00

Just back from cameron... with matt and mini in mmo... cameron was wow... i expected it too be fucked up... planned not to go... the 4 days in camp meant alot to me... i had my sweetie with me... think im falling for her... sssshhhhh... yea... i cried at camp... it was damn emo... nvr realized i had my parents.. bro's.. matt... my b... and the family... love u all... 4 days was hectic... we actually did things that we nvr imagine... like dancing... even 4 our confirmation... i feel so free now... gosh... thank the lord... out now.. dunno wat to write... xD

wake up... it's time to die....

2006-05-20T07:28:00.000-07:00

arggghhh.... din have enough sleep... eyes are closing... my leg and body hurts... all thanks to a whole 4 hours of futsal... in sports planet... its been awhile since i've been on the field... but looks like i still can kick some balls... ahahahah.... and swimming to days in a row... which just happend yesterday and today early mornin... sadness... with aun joe, mun hoe, and james... yea... wat a 2 day non-stop with joe and carls... matt went back early... dammit... yeah... fucking leg hurts like hell... 2 weeks and world cup starts... YEA MAN!!!! (uses jamaican slang) hah!!

did sher's hair on thursday... what a acomplishment made... ahahaha... perasan... it was nice though... yeap yeap... before that went wif her and shaun nirmal... to mc d's for lunch... after her hair we went 4 a smoke... and her had to ditch me to amanda's plc... yea... after class.. we had a recap for our city and guilds exam.. its so damn close... stressssssss... need that distinction...

Out for a kill...

2006-05-12T05:26:00.000-07:00

i just found out somethin... which i nvr did expect... what a suprise... u still have the guts to come up to me and shake my hand... good... and nvr even tell me?? ur a good friend... anyways... wif matt, joe and carls... damn sien as usual... no plans... my mouse has a fucking prob... dammit...
could have beaten matt.... left early from class today... with joe to centerpoint.. then lucky garden.. now in tmn desa... yea... bored-ness... well... currently just solved all the fucking probs... patched things up... its GOOD... now back to life...

title-less

2006-05-06T23:33:00.000-07:00

this month is realy bad... yesterdays driking with the boss was bad... i dont know what i was doing... feel damn fucked up... trying to think what the hell i was doing... i regreted this whole month.... its like u noe that youre not suppose to do it.. but u end up doing it... i dunno what is gnn happen tmr... sigh... just so much off headeche... fucking miserable sial... i miss nat nat... damn bored le... Hopefully things will get better...

Bad days, Demon days

2006-05-06T22:30:00.000-07:00

I've got a fuckin bad hair day.... they screwed up my hair... and i have to shave... sigh... yesterday we were modeling in sungai wang... we walk from bb plaza to sg wang half naked with the body art all over us... it was quite fun... nvr did in my life b4... yea... with matt now... in mmo... just got off my hang over... i found out htat someone has a new bf... sick and tired off al this shyte?? fuck u la.. hypocrite... fuck off la... fix yourself... its about time... dun think your funny...

Happy and Lifeless

2006-04-28T13:26:00.000-07:00

Din and matt decided to go drinkin since it was din's bday... and his spending... started off in bangsar... and we dranked 5 jugs of beer... and ere we are in ss2 horus... stoning... and playing dota... lol... lifeless ppl...

No title...

2006-04-22T07:20:00.000-07:00

what the fuck is happening to this fucked up world... mahai... i dindnt fucking realise that ur ex still can write stuff... forget bt it la... i dun wanna deal with it... i dun wanna get hurt or hurt u...
althought im still caught up in love or like... whateva they say... she asked when am i gonna take her out... so we decided to go subang.. asia cafe.. then she cant make it.... ask me to go mid valley.. frm subang to mid valley? wow... if i got car ill also think twice weather to go... so i decided not to and meet up with my ex... after that... she called me and ask me to go for the sunway college prom with her... i said ok... i went back and gotten ready... called her for 20 times or so... and didnt pick up... i would consider she ffk... i rather spend more time with my ex...
honestly... i do miss her... lol... yea... long story and a hectic day... then rum jungle then her hse??
gosh... but i do wan to really noe her... shez damn pretty...

Back after awhile

2006-03-31T10:27:00.000-08:00

it's been quite awhile since i blogged... but... i dun fucking care... things are really alright now... i'm in a cut above academy.. in pyramid... lovin my life there... missing my sweetie... belle... aha..
yea... exams are over... wow.. its a blink of an eye 2 months passed since i first came to the academy... haha... yea... i just cut my hair.. few days back... damn short... sigh... wait for another six months... damn long le... yea... btw... im in section 8... dunno what the fuck i'm doing here... i'm suppose to be asleep... tmr i have to be in the icc thinggy... actually going there just to see belle... she doesnt know i'm comin... yea... haha... i love doing this... hopefully can wake up... god noes what time i'll be back home... yea.... dammit... my fucking tooth hurts... sigh... anyways... life's good... so far.. its about time things turned around... yeah...

OMFG!!!!

2006-01-24T23:24:00.000-08:00

It was damn boring in skool... so me and my friend decided to go smoke in the toilet... the 1st and 2nd time we did not get caught... until the last period when we went to hav a smoke... after skool the head of dicipline came and found out... sigh.. my frens were save... and im in dip shyt... cause i helped them pull this off... the skool called my parents... my dad has nothin to say... my dad and mom hav to see the skool tmr... frm there we wil see wat happens to me... til then...

January is gonna suck big time...

2006-01-17T23:36:00.000-08:00

hurm... im already havin a hard time... and yesterday.. i got fired... how nice? wonder how am i gonna pay for my bike... sigh... did not go to skool today.... was havin really bad headeche... sigh... and now im in amcorp.. doing nothin... sigh.... also outa ciggarettes... argh... hav to buy... marlboro his time... had enough of perilly's... ahhah... so sleepy... january is really gonna suck... sigh... hope this year wont be as bad as 2005... 2005 was the worst... yeap... gnn ciao now...

Bored-ness

2006-01-17T00:41:00.000-08:00

Im still in mmo in tmn desa.. matt juz left... and im wif frens.. waitin till 6 so i can go to work... sigh... hurmm... bored bored bored... theres no one on9... and im listenin to emo songs... x] im still heart broken... cant seem to sleep at nite.. its kinda haunting me... im addicted to the song "far away" by nickleback... song rox... yea.. yea... arggghh... bored... hav nothin to type... shall go play dota then....

Word of the day...

2006-01-16T16:10:00.000-08:00

yesterday nite... me shambhi.. allan and celine met up with shambhi's old friends... they were talking bout cars all nite... and all shambhi said was standard... everything standard... his iswara.. standard... his starlet... turbo... standard... most of what he says was standard.. his fren said go back your dad asks how your day... you say standard la... hurm... yea... before we went yam cha there was this japanese gal damn pissed off with the cc's coms cause the were so slow... i complain and complain... but hey lady... i only work here... i cant make them faster... omg... yeap.. then shermaine help me with my blog... cause i went confused with the html codes... sigh.. they wernt as simple as friendster... and now finding the audio... thanks shermaine!!! yea... hurm.. so yea... everything is standard...